Hindsight is 20/20

May 29 is a significant date in my life. Twenty one years ago, on May 29, 1995, I gave birth to my son Kyle. At nine pounds, two ounces, Kyle was a burly baby, who looked more like a three month old than a newborn.

Ten years later to the day, on May 29, 2005, after cancer, widowhood, and a few years of single parenting, I married my husband Tim, the man who had gotten me to smile again.

After grieving the loss of my first husband, my romance with Tim moved quite quickly. We met in August of 2004 and were engaged in early November. Sometimes you just know it’s right, and if I had learned anything it was that life is short and it is made to be lived. A chance at happiness should be seized, for you never know if it will be given again.

The original wedding date was not May 29. I think it was planned for sometime in April. But due to my parents declining health, we decided a venue closer to their home would be best. The original date was not available at the new venue, and being such short notice, not many dates were.

So May 29 it was. While I still look at this day as one of the happiest of my life for two separate reasons, I also now look at it as the anniversary of one of my biggest parenting blunders.

Out of the 365 days in the year, I had to pick this one? Choosing this date for my wedding took a day that should have been-always and only- about Kyle and made it about me and my happiness. I put my needs above his and I will always regret that.

Kyle lost his father at the age of 7. He handled it by turning all of his feelings inward and pushing them down inside himself. I took the stoicism as resolute acceptance and saw what I wanted to see.

When planning the wedding, we included his birthday in the celebration, singing “Happy Birthday” to him during the ceremony. The poor kid looked like he was hoping the floor would just open up and swallow him.  The whole night, in fact, he looked like he wanted to run.

When I think now of how hard it must have been for him to see his mother marry someone else to begin with, not to mind on his birthday, I cringe a little inside at my selfishness.

Fast forward 11 years…Kyle has grown up to be a strong, talented, funny and compassionate young man. He has grown close to Tim and both of his fathers have had a hand in molding him into who he is today. I hope my parenting successes outweigh the failures and that I have given him the necessary tools to be a success in all aspects of his life.

While I do wish that I had chosen a date other than Kyle’s birthday for my wedding, I have no other regrets. I was blessed to have found a second chance at happiness, and Kyle and my daughter Shannon have both benefited from living in a happy home with two loving parents. In this case, I suppose, all’s well that ends well.

2 thoughts on “Hindsight is 20/20”

  1. My dearest friend, do not look back. What you did give to your children, was the foresight to realize that there can be happiness after sorrow and loss. As I remember that day very well. Kyle was having a good time just being with his friends and family that allowed him to be himself! I have witnessed both your struggles and successes! Shannon, Kyle and Nora are in the success category!❤️

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