The Definition of Me

cakes-20clip-20art-bday-cake-5-candles-black-and-white-mdToday is my 49th birthday. I have been spending a lot of time in recent weeks contemplating the direction I want my life to take as I head toward 50. While I have been given many blessings, there are also many things that need to be “tweaked” before I will feel that I am living my life to its fullest potential. I started this blog to help me with that.

As I began searching deep within, I realized that I have always defined myself based on circumstances or situations that were, for the most part, beyond my control. I was the baby that was given up for adoption, the widow at 35, the middle-aged woman stuck in a dead-end job. Defining myself in this way gave me an out and an excuse, because I never had to take responsibility for anything that was going on in my life, good or bad.

This mindset left me feeling powerless and sometimes hopeless. I felt like I never had the ability to choose the direction my life would take. Thinking like this got me nowhere. It created a victim mentality and did not empower me to make the changes that were necessary for me to be happy.

I now realize that if I want to thrive in the next chapter of my life, I have to be the one to write it. No one is going to transform me into the strong, sexy, successful woman I know I am meant to be except me.

I took the first step late in January when I dedicated myself to daily workouts and clean eating. I have seen tremendous changes in my body and mind as a result. I no longer feel like a victim to the middle age spread. Taking control, sticking with a plan, and seeing results have increased my confidence and self-esteem, which in turn increased my happiness. Succeeding at something I never thought I could do has given me the courage to find ways to make  other changes in my life.

I have a self-imposed deadline of my 50th birthday to turn the lofty ideas floating around in my head into some sort of reality. I know this may not be completely realistic, and that happiness and contentment are not static. What makes me happy now might not necessarily make me happy 2,3 or 10 years from now and I will have to rethink my game plan. But, instead of scaring me, that now excites me. As corny as it sounds, I really am the only one in control of my destiny. And that is a very powerful feeling.

So, today I celebrate everything that has brought me to this point. Forty nine years of experience has given me the tools I need to move forward and show the world who Sheila Gray really is. Because, in my opinion, she’s the definition of special.

9 thoughts on “The Definition of Me”

  1. Your blogs always seem to appear when I need to hear things like this most! Trying to control things that I have no control over. So true!

  2. Beautifully said! But don’t put pressure on yourself with a deadline. This is a work in progress and new, exciting chapters can be found at every turn! ❤️

  3. You are special – and inspiring! I will be joining you for daily workouts and clean eating. Any advice you have is appreciated!!!

  4. You have always been driven and focused. Life adds curves and challenges but you are always who you want to be. Own it and the path will clear.

  5. This is my first visit to your blog and I love it ~ you’re a wonderful writer.

    I too went through a reevaluation of my life around 50, and continue to do so every day. Life changes every day ~ we have to constantly strive for that which makes us happy. You are truly inspirational and a lovely writer.

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